The time has come. I knew it would, and I’m actually surprised it took this long… I miss Amsterdam... Real bad. This week it has hit me like a ton of bricks and I must admit tears may have been shed. It’s not that I don’t absolutely love our life here in Portland, but truth be told I think I’m finally just now coming to terms with the huge changes that have happened in our lives the last 5 months. It all happened so fast it felt like we were just riding the wave of excitement. The dust is settling now and I’m looking around and realizing how much has changed. And it’s taking me a second to gather my thoughts and feelings and emotions on how I feel about it all.
I mean, obviously I’m happy. I’m overjoyed to be home in Portland, thrilled to be in the same city with (most of) our families, and I’m ecstatic to be expecting our first baby (p.s. it’s a girl!). But part of me is mourning the loss of life in Europe. Of everything from being in this little bubble of life with Corey – just me and him figuring out a new continent with no friends or family – to hopping on planes and trains and traveling to some of my most favorite places in the world. I miss little things like fresh squeezed orange juice in every shop and market, I miss big things like the sheer gorgeousness of Amsterdam – where every corner you turn around is more picturesque and truly breathtaking than the last. I miss our apartment and I miss Christmas time in Europe. I miss walking and biking everywhere (yes, even in the cold!). I miss Sunday brunch at Le Pain Quotidien. I miss the great friends we made (and not knowing when I’ll see each of them again is heartbreaking). I’m a nostalgic person in general, and I tend to romanticize the past and long for the future. It’s something I’m very aware of – and even when I would sob for Portland while I sat in our living room in Amsterdam I KNEW that the second we returned here I would be sobbing for Amsterdam. And here I am. Doing just that.
The most comforting thing that comes to mind is this… Well, there are two things. One, we can always go back. And we will. Our dream is to return when our children (God willing) are school age so they can live and breathe the incredible culture in Europe. But more importantly, this saying: Don’t be sad it’s over, be glad it happened. I’m trying to change my perspective and instead of mourning the fact that we’re not there anymore and we are moving on with our lives in so many ways –celebrate the fact that we were so incredibly lucky to have had this opportunity to live abroad, grow so close, learn so much and make some of the most amazing memories of our lives.
You'll always have a piece of our hearts, Amsterdam...
You'll always have a piece of our hearts, Amsterdam...
{Photo © Liz Denfeld Photography}
