{Pregger Update: 20 Weeks}

I thought I’d start doing these updates here and there. Hopefully you guys don’t find them annoying, but I think it would be nice for me to have to look back on someday ☺ 

How Far Along: I’ll be 21 weeks Thursday!

Size of Baby: She’s the size of a banana – about 7 inches long and weighs about 12 oz.

Maternity Clothes: Definitely. Went on a Gap Maternity shopping spree a couple weeks back when they were having a 40% off sale and I have to say that maternity clothes just fit SO much better and are so much more flattering! 

Stretch Marks: None yet.  Crossing my fingers SO hard they decide to skip me ☺ Slathering on Clarins Tonic Body Treatment Oil and Burt Bee’s Mama Bee Belly Butter like it’s my job!

  

Sleep: Well, I love sleeping. I go to bed really early every night and I don’t even feel bad about it. I figure once this babe is born it will be a while before I get a full night’s rest so might as well take advantage now!

Best Moment of the Week:  Feeling her move around ALL THE TIME. It’s my favorite! And when she doesn’t for a while I miss her. 

 Movement:  Uh huh! Even Corey can feel her move around. We love to lay in bed or on the couch and wait for her to kick/punch. It’s so fun! Apparently this is really early on for both me and him to be feeling her move so much, but I guess she’s just in a really great position because I’ve been feeling her a lot for almost 2 weeks now!

Cravings: None really recently! 

Gender: Little Lady!

Belly Button In or Out: In

Wedding Ring on or Off: On

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: I feel pretty good, but if I don’t eat for a few hours I feel a little queasy. But nothing compared to the first tri!

What I Miss: IPAs. And bourbon. I’m not a lush I swear!

What I am Looking Forward to: Our babymoon to Hawaii coming up in about a month! I need some sun – this Portland weather is downright depressing!

Labor Signs: Heck no. Thank goodness!!

Nursery: We have our crib, but that’s about it! Gotta start somewhere!

Emotions:  Last week was pretty rough – my emotions were all over the place, but mainly really low. The last few days have been a bit better. It’s so hard to know how incredibly happy I am yet sometimes I just can’t fight this feeling of sadness. I suffered from depression about 10 years ago, so I recognize these feelings and I know how to deal with them, it’s just a bummer they are showing up during this special time. But I’m hanging in there!

{Es Trenc Beach: Mallorca}

As our fall/winter weather is in full swing here in Portland, I couldn't help but long for our wonderful day spent at Es Trenc beach in Mallorca back in May. The water at Es Trenc is the clearest I've ever seen - what I imagine the Caribbean looks like (I've never been). I found myself in total awe for the few hours we were there. If you find yourself in Mallorca, this is one of the best beaches on the island and a can't-miss!

All photos are unedited - that is really the color of the water!

{Photo © Liz Denfeld Photography}

{On Amsterdam.}

The time has come. I knew it would, and I’m actually surprised it took this long… I miss Amsterdam... Real bad. This week it has hit me like a ton of bricks and I must admit tears may have been shed. It’s not that I don’t absolutely love our life here in Portland, but truth be told I think I’m finally just now coming to terms with the huge changes that have happened in our lives the last 5 months. It all happened so fast it felt like we were just riding the wave of excitement. The dust is settling now and I’m looking around and realizing how much has changed. And it’s taking me a second to gather my thoughts and feelings and emotions on how I feel about it all. 

I mean, obviously I’m happy. I’m overjoyed to be home in Portland, thrilled to be in the same city with (most of) our families, and I’m ecstatic to be expecting our first baby (p.s. it’s a girl!). But part of me is mourning the loss of life in Europe. Of everything from being in this little bubble of life with Corey – just me and him figuring out a new continent with no friends or family – to hopping on planes and trains and traveling to some of my most favorite places in the world. I miss little things like fresh squeezed orange juice in every shop and market, I miss big things like the sheer gorgeousness of Amsterdam – where every corner you turn around is more picturesque and truly breathtaking than the last. I miss our apartment and I miss Christmas time in Europe. I miss walking and biking everywhere (yes, even in the cold!). I miss Sunday brunch at Le Pain Quotidien. I miss the great friends we made (and not knowing when I’ll see each of them again is heartbreaking). I’m a nostalgic person in general, and I tend to romanticize the past and long for the future. It’s something I’m very aware of – and even when I would sob for Portland while I sat in our living room in Amsterdam I KNEW that the second we returned here I would be sobbing for Amsterdam. And here I am. Doing just that. 

The most comforting thing that comes to mind is this… Well, there are two things. One, we can always go back. And we will. Our dream is to return when our children (God willing) are school age so they can live and breathe the incredible culture in Europe. But more importantly, this saying: Don’t be sad it’s over, be glad it happened. I’m trying to change my perspective and instead of mourning the fact that we’re not there anymore and we are moving on with our lives in so many ways –celebrate the fact that we were so incredibly lucky to have had this opportunity to live abroad, grow so close, learn so much and make some of the most amazing memories of our lives. 

You'll always have a piece of our hearts, Amsterdam...

{Photo © Liz Denfeld Photography}